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Intimate partner violence and sexual violence is a major public health problem and violation of women’s human right.
According to World Health Organisation (WHO),
1 out of 3 leading to 35% of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non partner sexual violence in their lifetime.
Globally, almost one third(30)% of women who have been in relationships report that they have experienced some form of physical and/or sexual violence by their intimate partner in their lifetime.
38% murders of women are committed by a male intimate partner.
Another emerging form of violence is dating abuse.
Falling in love and being in a relationship is not always having butterflies in the stomach for everyone. As beautiful as it may sound, but dating someone is not always beautiful. For some people, the beautiful, romantic and dreamy relationship doesn’t last long; they often end up being in an unhealthy abusive relationship also called as dating abuse.
What is dating abuse? It is usually a pattern of abusive behaviors experienced over a course of time used mainly to exert power and control over dating partner. This can be in various ways physical, emotional, verbal, sexual and even financial.
While every relationship is unique, abusive relationships have many issues in common. Usually violent words and actions are the tools used by an abusive partner to control and maintain power over the victim.
Dating abuse or unhealthy relationship behaviors may be experienced by anyone irrespective of the culture, religion or ethnic group. It is more common than what you think and no matter what the seriousness of the matter; you should always remember it’s NOT your fault, it’s never your fault because no matter what you do not deserve to be abused in any form.
How to recognize an abusive relationship?
The most obvious sign; VIOLENCE
Hitting, slapping, punching or any violent physical contact is called as abuse. Remember that according to your human rights, no one has the right to hit you, not even your parents. Yes, you read that right, according to laws; even your parents are not allowed to hit you. However, this is usually contravened in Indian and Chinese cultures, where hitting a child is used as an option while punishing or teaching a lesson. Many of us grew up in environment where our parents were hitting us to make us more disciplined and we somehow think that abuse form our partner is also acceptable, but NO its not and that’s a huge NO!!!!
Verbal abuse
No one has the right to put you down, threaten you or shame you. No one can make you feel less as a person. Use of vulgar vocabularies, indecent labels is also a sign of verbal abuse.
Disregard of the abuse
The person usually denies the act and blames you for it. The situation can also be put to you in such a way that you tend to think this abuse is normal and you just end up bearing it.
Controlling nature
You tend to find yourself being controlled in all ways be it what to wear, what to eat, how to behave among others. Your abuser happens to be the centre of your universe and you suddenly notice that you are isolated from others. You do not control your life anymore, instead you are being controlled.
Threats
You are constantly threatened about consequences of leaving the relationship or not abiding by the demands. Sometimes the safety of your closed ones is also threatened. Threats may comes in forms of killing himself, hurting you or shaming you.
Sexual abuse
You may often find your sexual activities being controlled by the abuser. Most of the time, you are forced to engage into sex. Very often you have to do acts which you don’t want.
If right now, you tend to affirm that you are going through these abuses, first of all, accept it. Denial is only going to take you deeper in this trap. If you are going through it or you know anyone going through dating abuse or domestic violence, please voice out!
Recommendations
It’s not your fault
Don’t trivialize the matter. Victims often tend to “normalize” the abuse and think that it’s totally normal or they tend to think that it’s their fault. NO that’s not your fault; Do NOT accept, deny or normalize the situation. Do NOT blame yourself.
If it happened one time, it happens again!
It only happened once is not an excuse! When someone becomes abusive it means he has lost his better senses and you never know when it can binge again. And if you have been witness of an abuse, it means it’s not the first time. Voice out now!
Take off the mask
You don’t need to pretend, Voice out and expose your abuser. Victims of abuse are most of the time living in a bubble. Opening up to someone can give you the power to act on the situation. You could pour out to anyone you trust, it could be your friend, a relative, your neighbor, a colleague. But make sure to stay from any bad advices. If anyone tells you its okay, it happens, stay away from that advice. Make sure to convince yourself that it’s not okay and it’s not normal. Choose someone who will listen to you patiently and give you the best advice.
Leave the relationship
If someone is making your life hell and miserable, do not put up with it. Walk out and live freely, there is no excuse. This is not the end of your life, but the beginning of a better life, so walk out! Things will worsen with time, even if you can’t leave right now, plan for a safe time to do so and in the mean time, voice out and seek help.
You should always remember that you are good enough and you deserve to spend your time and energy as you wish. You are worthy of love that builds you up that uplifts you, encourages you, keeps you happy, motivates you and most importantly that deserves you. You are an amazing individual who can live freely, laugh openly and dream without any limits!
"You are a free bird, open those beautiful wings and set yourself free today! Do not let yourself be caged by someone."
~Kaajal
Kaajal Gunputh is a pharmacist by trade and eco-feminist by passion. As the founder of Let Her Rise, she is at the forefront of the fight for female rights & actively works for women equality and challenges the domestic abuse of women from all continents. Born at the multi-cultural Island, Mauritius, Kaajal has a unique and open-minded view on gender issues. She has founded Let Her Rise to make people aware of inequality & injustice happening against women while also providing lifestyle, health & career related advice to those in need with the ultimate aim to make women & children rise.
Awakening hope and significance in women who have been wounded by abuse, inequality, exploitation and poverty; to grow well or luxuriantly; thrive; to do or fare well, prosper; to make bold sweeping movements and eventually RISE!
Let Her Rise is a platform aiming to help & support women of all ages across different continents to overcome their limiting beliefs, discover unique gifts and skills, no matter what their past story has been or the present circumstances are; Redefining womanhood and empowering women to live to their fullest potential in peace and bliss!
Kaajal Gunputh
Aug 12, 2018
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